I'm a stay at home mommy to two gorgeous, albeit sassy, little girls and wife to the most amazing man on the planet (if you met him, you'd probably agree).  They are my entire world.  We have a crazy dog named Spuds, who was supposed to grow into a big 'ol German Shepherd but ended up being a smaller version.  We love him anyways (or at least most days).

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Spuds, Nora, and Sophie

I grew up in a close knit family.  I'm one of three girls and we're all a year a part (mom must have been seriously insane).  I had a great childhood and always lived with a smile in my heart.  My husband Jesse and I met in college in 2006 and married 2 months after he graduated in 2010 (he's a year younger than me).  A year after being married, we bought a house and I got pregnant with our first daughter, Sophie, who was born on December 6, 2012. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sophie

Becoming a mom was challenging and overwhelming.  Dealing with feelings of intense joy and intense sadness overwhelmed me, and I had no idea this was actually a condition called postpartum depression.  Regardless, I put on a fake smile and trudged forward, knowing my new little family needed me.  But it was so hard not knowing who I was anymore or what these feelings meant.

 

  Two years after Sophie was born, I became pregnant with our second daughter, Leila.  I went into labor unexpectedly at 23 1/2 weeks and Leila was born premature, barely clinging to life.  The next five days were the hardest days of our lives as we oscillated between hope and sadness.  Leila died December 17 , 2014 in our arms.  We were young parents to begin with, with innocent eyes towards the world.  The depth of sadness and unbelief we felt can hardly be described in words.  Thus began my fall from joy.  

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We immediately became pregnant with our third daughter, Nora, 2 months after Leila's death.  Maybe I thought this would snap me out of the black hole I was in.  And in some ways it did.  But it was mostly the most stressful pregnancy and year of my life.  Nora was born healthy and smiling on November 14, 2015 and our family was complete.  But there was much to be said about my completeness. 

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Nora

I began battling severe anxiety that was probably unresolved to some degree from my first pregnancy in 2012 and only intensified after losing Leila and then having a high risk pregnancy with Nora.  It got to the point where I had no idea what to do or how to help myself.  I felt like I was just hanging on for my family.  

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And so began my search for joy. 

 

It has taken me almost 4 years to get back to a place where I feel like me again.  Most days I feel great, but there are definitely still days that I struggle with.  But I'm thoroughly excited to say that I am closer to happiness than I've been in a while.  I decided to start this blog to help others who may be feeling the same things I did (and still sometimes do).  But mostly just to share my journey.  The journey from complete darkness to complete light.  And then I found the perfect quote that inspired this blog and my journey: 

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"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."

- Buddha

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Beautiful and simple, isn't it?!

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And here enters the main vehicle in my journey towards joy; yoga and mindfulness.  I had no idea that the fun "exercising" that I had dabbled in for 6 years would be the way out of darkness for me.  Through searching for joy, I've developed this intense passion for yoga and also healthy baking (ok...and just sugary, unhealthy baking too...).  Plus, I'm a stay at home mom, so we're always doing lots of crafts and fun things (at least I'd like to think we are).  So I have a lot to share with you there too! 

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Part of my passion for yoga has been to find intentions for myself every day.  Whether that is to go through the day focusing on a particular quote and how it applies to life, or giving myself a simple mantra to follow throughout my day.  Either way, yoga and setting intentions has helped ease my anxiety and bring me joy.  Make sure to check out my Meditations page for some great ideas! 

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I also partner with a couple brands and sample programs, so I also get to share some really great new and fun products for you that I will review.  Make sure to check out all my Product Reviews to hear how some really great brands are stepping it up!

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Either way, I hope my Blog can help you on your own journey to joy and that I can provide some helpful tips along the way.  It's a journey, this messy life, but one worth taking...